Earlier today, while I was writing in my journal, my mind got blank in a split second. By that time, I know something is wrong with me. Yes, I’m sick since yesterday but what I worry about is my wholeness. I don’t know what makes me feel sad, irritated, always on the verge of sobbing and abnormally too happy these past few days. I’m not sure what triggers me to be like this yet one thing I know is I need to do something about it because my mental and emotional health will be at risk.
I put my pen down, close my journal and take a deep breath. At first, I’m still in a denial state telling myself that everything is fine and I just think too much lately. But I can’t deny the fact that this kind of mindset will just put me in a deeper hole. I don’t want that to happen and even when it’s hard, I know that taking a break is what I truly need.
Honestly, I always do this before whenever I feel like it but I felt that I’m giving other people the impression that I shut them out. That was not my intention though. Yet, here I am, doing it again not because I wanted to or I just feel like it but because I need it. I realized that focusing on myself first instead of caring about what others think about me is more important. If I lose myself, no one will care about after all.
When the month of June entered, I already deactivated my Facebook account. I was aware that I was consuming my time scrolling on my newsfeed without looking for something specific. I know by this time, my friends are already talking about me, deactivating my account again and what I’m up to. And today, I already decided to uninstall my other social media accounts such as Tumblr, Instagram and WhatsApp. It was difficult, yes, but it’s a challenge for me. My SO, like always, is very understanding and supportive with me. He said that if I think I need it, he’ll just be there, waiting for me when I get back and already healed.
I know some of you might think that two days of break is just a short time but for me, it’s enough. Enough for me to stand on my feet, get back on track, clear my mind and remind myself what are my true goals. I’m no longer getting young and I don’t want to waste more time playing around.
Thank you so much for reading!